I love quotations

I have to admit that I do love quotations...especially from old dead people. I found a website that had several on it...So i stole what they obviously stole....but there are references to who supposedly said it....so I am giving credit to wo they say should be getting the credit. (So I feel ok about this theft)

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. - unknown

A bulldog can whip a skunk, but sometimes it's not worth it. - J. Nowell

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life. - unknown

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - unknown

A closed mouth gathers no feet. - Sam Horn

A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple. - John Florio (1553-1625)

A diplomat is one who thinks twice before saying nothing. - unknown

A flatterer never seems absurd: the flatter'd always takes his word. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

A friend in need is a pest. - Arthur Daley in the popular 1980's British sitcom, "Minder"

A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. - unknown

A man must serve his time in every trade except censure-critics are ready made. - Lord Byron (1788-1824)

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. - Rhonda Hansome

A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. - Mark Twain

A teacher's job is to take a room full of live wires and make sure they are well grounded. - unknown (submitted by fubar@nque.com)

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. - unknown

All the world is mad save for me and thee, and sometimes I wonder about thee. - Old Quaker saying - special thanks to the reader who replied to our query.

All would live long but none would be old. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away. - Cassandra Chatfield

Anyone who doesn't think there are two sides to an argument is probably in one. - unknown

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away and barefoot. - unknown

Being young is a fault that diminishes daily. - Swedish (on youth and age)

Blessed is he that can laugh at himself, he will never cease to be amused. - unknown

Blessed is he that expects nothing, for he shall never be dissapointed. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash (1902- )

Cheer up! Remember the less you have, the more there is to get. - unknown

Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it. - Rene Decartes (1596-1650)

Credit cards are like mosquitoes. You can keep them away for a while, but sooner or later they will be back to suck your blood. - Ted Steckley (1949-)

Creditors have better memories than debtors. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Dear God, I have a problem; it's me. - unknown

Defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies. - Canning

Do what you think is right in your heart. You'll be criticized anyway. - Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)

Dying while young is a boon in old age. - Yiddish (on death and dying)

Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse can happen to you for the rest of the day. - unknown

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. - unknown

Epitaph on a scolding wife by her husband: Here my poor Bridget's corpse doth lie, she is at rest -- and so am I! - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Everyone has the right to be stupid but you're abusing the priviledge. - Shiv Daddar

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else. - Will Rogers (1879-1935)

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. - unknown

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Fish and visitors stink after three days. - - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Fond pride of dress is sure an empty curse; ere fancy you consult, consult your purse. - Ben
Franklin (1706-1790)

Gingerbread man is a perfect man, he's cute, he's sweet and if he gives you any heck, you can bite his head off. - kd with thanks to K. Walker

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. - Jewish Proverb

God works wonders now and then; behold! a lawyer, an honest man. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Golf: A good walk ruined. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Great talkers should be cropped for they have no need of ears. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Happiness is merely the remission of pain. - unknown

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. - Abraham Lincoln, a gentle needle

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. - Winston Churchill, a gentle needle

He has delusions of adequacy. - Walter Kerr, a gentle needle

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. - William Faulkner about Earnest Hemingway. (thanks to Pete Hartzel of Woodstock Corp.)

He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends. - Oscar Wilde, a gentle needle

He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder, a gentle needle

He is a self-made man and worships his creator. - John Bright, a gentle needle (thanks to Pete Hartzel of Woodstock Corp.)

He is not only dull himself, but he is the cause of dullness in others. - Samuel Johnson, a gentle needle

He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - Paul Keating, a gentle needle

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. - Forrest Tucker, a gentle needle

He that drinks beer, thinks beer. - Washington Irving (1783-1859)

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

He that would have a short Lent, let him borrow money to be repaid at Easter. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts, for support rather than illumination. - Andrew Lang, a gentle needle

He who dies with the most toys is still dead. - unknown

He's gone, and forgot nothing but to say farewell to his creditors. - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West, a gentle needle

Housework done properly can kill you. - unknown

How many observe Christ's birthday, how few his precepts. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom. - unknown

I can't be out of money, I still have checks left. - unknown

I did not fall off the turnip truck just yesterday. - Terry Davis

I didn't attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain, a gentle needle

I feel so miserable without you, its almost like having you here. - Stephan Bishop, a gentle needle

I have a new philosophy, I'm only going to dread one day at a time. - Charles Shulz ("Peanuts")

I have never killed a man but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow, a gentle needle/i>

I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I refuse to enter a battle of wits with an unarmed man. - unknown

I saw few die of hunger; of eating -- 100,000. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

If a frog didn't hop, he wouldn't bump his butt. - Sarah Isabelle Wendt

If a patient dies, the doctor killed him, but if he gets well, the saints have saved him. - Italian Proverb

If at first you don't succeed, skydivings not for you. - S. Johns

If at first you don't succeed, you're about average. - unknown

If "ifs" and "ands" were pots and pans, there'd be no work for tinkers' hands. - Charles Kingsley (1819-1875)

If the baby is happy, don't try to make it happier. - Dan Keeton

If you aren't careful, your kids will suck the marrow right out of your bones. - Anonymous

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. - unknown

If you want to be criticized, marry. - Irish Proverb

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romanian Proverb

If you'ld lose a troublesome visitor, lend him money. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

If you're going to be dumb, you've got to be tough. - William Dempsey Wendt

In God we trust; all others pay cash.- American (on money)

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Louis Grizzard

It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain (Thanks to Michael Beard)

It is better to swallow words than to have to eat them later. - Franklin Roosevelt (1882-1945)

It is easier to get forgiveness than to get permission. - unknown

It takes less time to do something right than to explain why it was done wrong. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

It's not easy being green. - Kermit the Frog

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx, a gentle needle

I've just learned of his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial. - Irvin S. Cobb, a gentle needle

I've suffered a great many catastrophies in my life. Most of them never happened. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Lazy people work harder. - unknown (thanks to Jeff Hatch)

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. - Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)

Life is a big headache on a noisy street. - Yiddish Proverb

Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow. - unknown

Life's too short for chess. - Henry James Byron (1834-1884)

Life's hard; get a helmet. - kd with thanks to K.Walker

Long tongue, short hands. - Czech (on words and deeds)

Love is blind but not the neighbors.- Mexican (on life and living)

Love your neighbor; yet don't pull down your hedge. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Man has his will but woman has her way. - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)

Man's work is from sun to sun, woman's work is never done. - H. Blaney Giese

Many complain of their memory, few of their judgment. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Many foxes grow grey but few grow good. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Mary's mouth cost her nothing for she never opens it but at others' expense. - Ben Franklin
(1706-1790)

Men are from earth, women are from earth, deal with it. - unknown

Middle age is when the broadness of the mind and the narrowness of the waist change places. - unknown Mistakes will happen; others will be blamed. - Paul Perves (on corporate life)

Most people aim at nothing in life and hit it with amazing accuracy. - unknown

My idea of housework is to sweep a room with a glance. - unknown

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Nepotism works, get on the right side of it. - Dan Keeton

Never criticize a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes. That way when you do criticize him, you are a mile ahead and you have his shoes. - unknown (thanks to S. Johns)

Never praise your cider or your horse. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It only frustrates you and really annoys the pig. - Dale Cade

No good deed goes unpunished. - Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)

No husband has ever been shot doing the dishes. - unknown

Now I have a sheep and a cow, everybody bids me good-morrow. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; men love in haste but hate in leisure. - Lord Byron (1788-1824)

One good husband is worth two good wives for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. - A.A. Milne (1882-?)

Only in America, if you fail as a person, you can always write a book. - Ferg Stevens

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. - unknown

People ask you for criticism but they only want praise. - Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)

Quitting smoking is easy. I've done it hundreds of times. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Remorse the fatal egg by pleasure laid. - William Cowper (1731-1800)

Sacred cows make great hamburgers. - Michael Thompson

She was often wrong but never in doubt. - unknown

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. - unknown

Speak not of my debts unless you mean to pay them. - English Proverb

Speak the truth but leave immediately after. - Slovenian Proverb

Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. - Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't even fallen asleep yet. - unknown

Suppers have killed more than doctors have ever cured. - Spanish (on food and hunger)

Tact is the act of making a point without making an enemy. - Clarence Darrow

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it. - Moses Hadad, a gentle needle

The best thing about telling the truth is..you don't have to remember what you said! - unknown, courtesy of Georgie Bee

The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I'll walk carefully, - Russian Proverb

The difference between the Pope and your boss.... The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. - unknown, courtesy of Jack Shea

The difficult is done at once, the impossible takes a little longer. - Anthony Trollope (1815-1882)

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - unknown

The golden age never was the present age. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

The good or ill hap of a good or ill life, is the good or ill choice of a good or ill wife. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. - Helen Hayes

The money is always greener in the other fellow's wallet. - Bill ? The older I get, the righter my parents were. - Jeanne Warner

The other line always moves faster until you get in it. - unknown The poor have little - beggars none; the rich too much - enough, not one! - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

The problem is never how to get new, innovative thoughts into your mind but how to get the old ones out. - Dee Hock The sheik's miracles are those of his own telling. - Turkish (on words and deeds)

The tongue offends and the ears get the cuffing. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

The trouble with being in a rat race is that even when you win you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

There are more old drunkards than old doctors. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it. - Mark Twain

There can't be another crisis this week, my schedule is completely full. - unknown

There is nothing more stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. - Will Rogers (1879-1935)

There is no waste of time like making explanations. - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)

There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard, a gentle needle

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. - Thomas Brackett Reed, a gentle needle

They never taste who always drink, they always talk who never think. - Matthew Prior (1664-1721)

They who drink beer, think beer. - Washington Irving (1783-1859)

Things come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Three may keep a secret if two are dead. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Time is fun when you are having flies. - Kermit the Frog

'Tis against some men's principle to pay interest and seems against others' interest to pay principal. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. - unknown

We developed language because of our deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

What the mulla says, you must do; what he does, you must not do.- Kashmiri (on hypocrisy)

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult. - Charlotte Whitton

When a pessimist has nothing to worry about, he worries about why he has nothing to worry about. - unknown

When man and woman die, as poets sung, his heart's the last part moves, her last, the tongue. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

When mother ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. - unknown

When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

When we think we lead, we are most led. - Henry James Byron (1834-1884)

When you get at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. - Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)

Who was the one who put the needle in the haystack anyway? - Lester Goslar

With the mouth, one can ford the wildest river. - Ethiopian (on words and deeds)

You are what you eat. Don't be a vegetable. - unknown

You can bear your own faults and why not a fault in your wife ? - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

You've got the brain of a four year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. - Groucho Marx,